Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
