Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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