Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
