Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
