You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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