I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
