I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
