we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
