ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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