i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
