I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
