Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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