if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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