I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In America we eat man semen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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