Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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