Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
