Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
