I seem to have left my pride at pride
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
