Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
im on a boat
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