Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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