I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
