Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
