At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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