drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
