hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
