Yo dont text me then not text me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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