are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
