all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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