he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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