It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
