SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
