Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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