Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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