I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
