Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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