Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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