Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
