He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
