I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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