Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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