I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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