I can text with my tongue
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
