so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i will never coherently bang her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
