sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
