he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
