Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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