I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
