Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
