I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
