hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
