That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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