She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
