I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
