It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
