Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
