even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
